This is a post-script disguised as a preface. Originally, I was going to title this post ‘Wurdz n stuf’. It was going to be very different from what this is. Except for the title, I’m leaving the post as written. I’ll write ‘Wurdz n stuf’ another day. I guess my head wanted to go in a different direction, so I let it. It’s my mind so…look, squirrel!
Words have great power never underestimate the effect they have
I have achieved two goals so far:
The first – I have written my first poem of NaPoWriMo. 29 to go.
The second – I have stated the blatantly obvious! Call me…Captain!
My optimistic, and make the best of a sub-optimal (I love that word, thanks Adam) situation, self has been stressed, not to the breaking point but tattered on the edges. We have all been jammed into the uncomfortable position of trying to do what’s right and trying to do what’s right. Uh oh…now were going sideways!
Fence sitting how do i decide what's right when this right and that right are both right and neither right is more right than the other right is it right to knowingly do harm to my family while potentially doing right for my community is it right to calculate the risks or is it right to do as I'm told i must choose which right is the right right knowing that neither right is right or wrong
Well, that’s #2. It just happened without my internal editor’s input. It’s close enough to midnight that I may just count that as a day 2 poem if my brain quits on me tomorrow.
I don’t like being told what to do, never have, never will. That’s my nature. It’s not that I won’t, it’s just that I prefer to arrive at the decision myself. Am I stubborn and/or selfish? Yes to both. They’re not my favorite traits, but they are traits that make me (and you) human. I try to minimize their influence on my decision making, but they can be hard to shake at times. They also serve as a distant early warning system when I recognize their influence. I’m battling them now.
Do I heed the warnings and hide in my home, only venturing out to visit the places where EVERYBODY is going and the risk is greatest? Do I let my exemption applied for, nonessential business remain closed for who knows for how long, as the expenses grow and the cash register remains silent? Will the government help me or offer a slow death with more debt and low interest loans? Will I recover or go bankrupt? Will my sacrifice help everyone, or just hurt me and mine?
Do I fight for myself and my family, get the exemption, use safe practices and conduct business to generate enough income to pay my creditors and survive to fight in the next uncertain year? Will doing this expose me and mine to a greater threat of getting ill? Will I recover or die? Will my fight help anyone, or just hurt me and mine?
I’m trying to thread the needle because both choices suck. I’m trying to stay optimistic because the alternative sucks. I want to do the right thing and be part of the solution but I can’t give up without a fight because, you guessed it, that sucks.
I will do the right thing, even if it’s hard.