Well, it finally happened! I went bat s*#& crazy and exterminated the caterpillar that has been living under my nose for my whole adult life. It never metamorphosed, or even hinted at transforming into a full on, face dominating, “Dang, wouldja lookit that! You got quite a mustache goin’ on there, fella!”. Not that I wanted a big personal grooming nightmare growing in the middle of my face anyway. Besides, it was getting lonely without a beard to keep it company. Can’t grow one of those either.
So, I announced, “I’m gonna shave my mustache off!”
Rose: “You are not.?!”
Me: “Yes I am!”
Her: (incredulously) “When, right now, you’re not serious are you?!?”
Her: “Oh my God!” (giggles)
Me: “Whuttaya think?” (me with my finger covering my mustache)
Her: (more giggling and a little snort) “I’ve never seen you without one! I don’t know, you’re going to look weird!”
Me: (looking weird) “Already do.” (Ok, I didn’t say that, but a little embellishment never hurt a story)
Her: “Maddy’s going to freak!” (our daughter who once threatened to dis-own me if I shaved it off) (like she could, hmmph)
I turned my back on Rose’s continued giggling and good-natured (I think) ribbing, and did the deed.
A few minutes later I returned, my lip tingling from fresh air and razor burn. I went to give my bride of thirty years a smooch. She shrank away squealing and wouldn’t let me near her.
My plan worked PERFECTLY! Buah ha ha!